ooh

wait.

one more thing that I'm sure of.

Risk.

I'm ready.

For living, and learning, and loving.

Goodnight~

hmm

listening to: 'just breathe' pearl jam.

current mood: undecided

current feeling: insecure

next current feeling: a little mad-ish

current action: a layer uncovered, exposed.

Insecure: uncertain, unassured, doubtful, anxious, worried.

ok. so. i think i need to work some things out. i dont know where these insecurities come from, but they're there. I know when they are most present, and that concerns me. But, just breath, and chill the "f" out are a part of my self-pep-talk. I wish i could just freaking chill, and stop the wheels from spinnin. But, i still have to pay attention to these feelings, they're telling me something. When I remind myself that it will all be ok, i feel better. That Im doing what I can, my part, and that's good enough. It has to be, there's nothing more i can do in these situations, except hope.

Not entirely sure where I am going with this, except to say that I am human too, and have some insecurities that I need to pay attention too.

In spite of my insecurities in some things, maybe it's important to voice what I am sure of.

I'm sure that ultimately Jesus is the only man who can love me as much as I need to be loved. Thank you Jesus.

I'm sure that right now, I'm really tired.

I'm sure of my eyes closing right now.

ok.

until next time,

cheers!

free to move myself

.......a very good friend of mine and I once (this very day) chatted about what we ACTUALLY govern in our own lives, and in this world. It's really simple. At least right now it is to me. Like, what can we actually control? Ourselves. We have the supreme power of our own actions; to ourselves and to others. We control individually how ourself thinks, speaks, acts....loves. How we use our bodies. What we DO with ourselves. We have the liberty to make decisions with real live outcomes. That is cool.

In some ways, it seems that the control range is small. But ultimately, we control so much by just controlling ourselves. We can control what may happen by what we DO.

Haha, it feels like sometimes it would be easier if we could just control other people too, but just the clown bags that is.

I feel mixed about this revelation. It's an "AHH HAH!" moment that has already been known, but I've never thought about it like this before. The mixed feeling arose when I flashed back at millions of mean thoughts I have thought before. I was like, whoa, I could have controlled that. And I want to try to.

I don't know if this even makes sense to anyone else. oh well.

I think Im going to visit this again sometime.

I have a headache now, so.........BBL (be back later, don't know if that is a real abreviation, but im using that from now on).

Thanks kids, keep on rockin!

mmmm hmmmmm

my hair is down, because i let it. here it goes!

green is a favorite color!

hi. so today is NICE OUTSIDE! what a relief. I havn't blogged in a few days, woops. I am not trying to be lazy about this, I am just not sure how i want to get this going exactly. I'll just keep writing, and hopefully I'll figure it out. I'll take questions and suggestions too! I suppose I can't just jump right into the major exposing and big 'life' stuff, i should ease into it. So, I'll just journal for now. enjoy!

Listening to: Old Crow Medicine Show, yum!

So, I'm happy. Happy is a good thing. I'm also sick, sickness is a BAD thing. I'd like to punch phlegm in the face, and then cough on it. God, please heal me, please!

Sooo....I've been staying with my best friend for a few days because my basement flooded, and is smelly and icky still. A crummy deal for the house, but a sweet deal for the bestie and me. I love that lady. Three words: fun, FUN, and fuuuuuuuuuuuuun! Love it, thanks steph!

Hmmmm, so....I have a pretty sweet activity on sunday that I am looking forward to, date night! There is a fresh romance in my life, and it makes me smile, big! Blaire, don't screw it up, haha. He's a rad dude, and is as open and expressive as I am. No idea how awesome that is to me. In this new adventure I look forward to: getting to know him better, laughing together, DATE NIGHTS, cuddle parties, getting to know his peeps and much much more! I like Mike. I feel pretty cheesy, and i LOVE IT!

now listening to: death cab!

Tattoos. This.can't.wait.much.longer. nuff said.

need to shower, and make plans for today. I might go to watertown to see the sis and my babies! I love them. I miss them. I should go. I should also work. But working is ewe, and I'll be there for 12 hrs plus tomorrow, so....I think I'll go!

Later. Happy Friday. Make good choices, and choose to have fun!

mind ramble

ok. this is what my head is saying, in the order of wtf:

-did i turn the coffee pots off at work? - go to the bank in the morning - call mom in the morning - i miss oliver - im hungry - hope it's nice tomorrow - paint nails - set alarm - steph is coming home soon - yay - make plans to make my new bed - i want more milk but i don't want to walk upstairs - i WANT SOME TATTOOS, BAD! - my back hurts, wish i had a large set of hands rubbing my back - make hair appointment - go potty - getting sleepy - graduation presents - pay car insurance bill - call about appartment - what did i eat today? - this is going to be a really boring post - still thinking about those hands, mmm - my computer is going to die - im going to sleep - mike txtd me, nice to know someone is thinking about me!

goodnight kids

who is blaire?

so i guess some get to know me junk is in order. i already know me, but this just seems natural. It's going to be random, and weird. so...too bad.

I will write a few questions out really fast, then go back and put the answers in caps.

I am....A GIRL

I like....BOYS

I want to....BUILD SOMETHING AWESOME

I will....WATCH GLEE TONIGHT

I don't.......KNOW EVERYTHING

I do.......HAVE TO PEE

I have......DEBT

I should.....GO POTTY

I can.......CARRY 5 PLATES AT ONCE

I can't......DO THE SPLITS

I'd like to........BE MORE MUSICAL

I regret......JUDGING PEOPLE

I love...JESUS AND MY MOM

I wish....I WERE A LITTLE LESS CHUBBY

I'd bet on......LOVE

I'm in....A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS

I'm not.....ALWAYS SERIOUS

One more thing......THANKS FOR LISTENING!

Here it goes!

Starting point: "Hi!" This is Blaire. Im currently 23 years old, and I'm trying to figure myself out. I thought I'd give you all a chance at that, so I'm making a public effort. This is a platform for me to present: me! Mostly to myself, but to anyone who wants to skim the tales of BLAIRE! Good luck (you will need it)! I am going to try and be consistent with entries, and love comments and feedback. This is a new endeavor, so please excuse the messy, jumbly beginning to this life project. My goal for this is simple. Be real, be raw, be honest. The outcome, hopefully I learn and grow from these written escapades, and can live a fully honest life. For others, take whatever you want from this, but mostly, have a laugh. I feel like God gave me a funny life, so let us rejoice and laugh in it!