icky...

So, there are things that happen in this little life i live, that i should share. To stay consistent with this 'truth project' thingy, i will expose another layer. I could easily withhold, but I just better. Maybe someday, somewhere, somehow, another person may even get something out of this. Or get a kick out of this, either way, here goes:

So....I have two ways of being about the 'relationships' subject. One way; a very confident, and secure individual, that is hopeful, but not necessarily in pursuit. The other way; strong, but not as confident, wishful more than hopeful, and slightly a little tiny bit incomplete and in constant desire.

I am currently in the latter of the above options. I try to be the first option very hard. I don't want to constantly be wanting something that is unknown. I do feel it is very much ok to desire a loving and healthy relationship. But, I strongly believe in being secure and comfortable with yourself outside of a relationship. I don't want to be in a relationship because I need/or have to be, but because i want to.

It's not a huge ordeal, and even as I write, I realize. I just hate admitting that I am freakin girly, and that I am not in control of these matters really. I feel it's unfair sometimes, when you fall for someone, when you know you shouldn't, or you think you don't want to.

Maybe I am not as secure as I thought, and that's mostly ok with me. As long as I am honest about it, I will embrace this.

I will just work on the ol' blaire bear, and do what's best for me. Someday i 'hope' a time will come. A moment will happen, and love will be. for now, ill remain a single blira facehead.

rock on

merry freakin' christmas

Hey kids. It's late december, and I am home on christmas break. I have survived another holiday with the exceptionally colorful Dingers(we are a sub-casual kind). this is a success. In response, it was a very good christmas for the family. Everyone able was there, and no fights. Good thing there was booze. --Haha, but not for me, i was still recovering from my turning-24-celebration. If you were there to help me celebrate, thank you. You will have to name yourself, because I don't remember much, haha.--I do love my family. Not a perfect clan, but very much to offer. #1, entertainment to outsiders. I've been told that our banter would make a great script. we shall however, remain for now unscripted and hilarious. Hilarious---rediculous......same, same. I think its my age, or position in life (even though i'm totally single) but i am always taking notes about my family. There are soo many things i really love about all of them. And some not soo much, haha. But, we are a very honest, very open crowd that isn't afraid of a good laugh. usually at someone's expense. We are communication strong, and laughter heavy. I want a fun and happy family of my own someday!

It's so nice to have a break from school for a few days. I am working tho, that part isn't delightful. Not because I hate that job, but I am just so drained, I wish i could just drink coffee and journal all day. Oh, and browse career options for after school.

I have decided (which if you know me is always open for adjustment) that after school, i want to spend some time somewhere exciting. I would love to live in the upper West coast. I daydream of a life by mountains and sea. I am going to begin looking for short-term courses/programs about design, or green building in the oregon/washington region. That is a vast region, so i better get busy. I would love to hear any suggestions too!

Ok, that is all for this post.