I feel weird, like physically, haha. Allergy medicine has this effect on me, kinda feel drunk, so i guess its not too bad.
I don't have anything specific to write about; so Ill just blab my mind wander.
I really should be packing up my crap right now, but im a lazy biotch, so I am not yet.
School....hmmm....school is good. I really like my program. I love that I am learning all kinds of things everyday. It will be interesting to see where I go with this education. I think about it all of the time.
I had a missed call tonight from an ex. and last night i was uploading pictures from my cam. and there were pics of us on there. thats two nights in a row that this bastard is stealing my mind. Actually, I have been haunted by two ex's lately. That's not fair. you boys suck, and stay away, haha. I sure hope that I am done dating clowns. I know that only speaks to my taste in dudes, but for at least the mentioning, they sought me out. I guess i attract clowns. sweet. everyone's gotta be good at something.
ok......well...on a short side note....i think im going to back up and pitch a teepee in a peaceful socialist nation somewhere. just sayin.
now...on to a mention of a serious topic in the blaire mind/heart. or is it a heart/mind. Either way, I have been mulling over the state of the 'church' for a while now. I want to be careful in how i express myself, mostly because, I don't know exactly how I feel. I just feel really weird, and disconnected with the body of christ right now. At least in this country i do.
--- Fact: I LOVE JESUS WITH ALL THAT I AM! Fact: I WANT TO FOLLOW HIS VOICE IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE. Fact: I FEEL REALLY CRAPPY WITH THE CHURCH. Fact: I AM DOING NOTHING TO CHANGE IT.
---I just need to start figuring this stuff out. I do want to be a part of a healthy and active Jesus movement. and I want it to be soo REAL. In fact, i want it to be the realist thing i ever accomplish. I think a major part of my illness with the church is the hipocracy and the FAKE, FAKE, FAKE, FAKE, FAKE BULLSHIT! I am not perfect, and i need to remember that everyday. the church is not perfect, and i cannot expect that. I just feel so damn uncomfortable with it. Like, and actual illness, it makes me feel sick inside, the horrible misrepresentation of my savior. I feel like some churches should be called "its all about me/us" club instead. --I know i am completely guilty, and that's why its so wierd to work through. I am fake, i am selfish, really, im pretty awful. i am human. I can talk more about this some other time. I just wanted to at least make a start. I am not writing this to just shame the church. i earnestly want to figure out my qualms with this church, and even find my way back into a worshipping family. I just need to spend some time in prayer and thought. Jesus, please unveil some wisdom to me in this!
--I appreciate feedback, and I am very open to discussion. I have been churning for a while, and want to make progress, and be proactive.
----happy thanksgiving ya'll ....my three favorite blessings this year: (and they are all 3-years-old and younger)
1. Oliver Ryan
2. William Robert
3. Lincoln James
***Thanks for being awesome***
