12:38am. I want to take someone's breath away. Someday, I want someone to encounter me, and lose breath in thought that they must know me. Because simply, i am stunning. I want someone to be so captivated by my glow; that they stop what they are doing and dream for a moment. I want someone to desire to get to know me. Desire for the chance to get to know me.
Do i deserve such things? If these are real things, am i worthy? My mom says so. Bitch better be right.
I lose too damn much time thinking about dark and miserable things. For right now I am going to think about something happy. Are my desires practical/will they happen? Who knows. I am least willing to bet.
I want a soul mate. Like, really. Some people are after a husband, a partner, a co-pilot, a partner-in-chrime, an intimate lover, a provider, an admirer, a friend. I am after a soul mate. I want my 'inner-being' to be in harmony with someone else' 'inner-being.'
Soul Mate: a person ideally suited to another. Ideally! That means not moderately suited, like 'yeah, i guess that will do' but IDEALLY suited. An ideal match.
Humans are an interesting species. Don't you think that if we really are meant to be 'life-mates' that it would be easier? Or maybe we make poor partner decisions. And, it doesn't get easier after the better person; but you desire to survive so much more? Why the shallow survival rate? Maybe its only the beings that are truly open to loves vast pockets of life medicine, that actually survive? maybe.
I don't have a 'list.' Like, numbered one through ten with qualities and non-negotiable items spelled out frankly. I mean i have thought about the kind of person id like to be with. preferably the kind of person that is amazing versus not-amazing. But not an actual list. Maybe ill try.
"In a partner/soulmate I'd like someone who:"
-Is curious
-Is funny
-Is capable
-believes in them-self
-gives a damn
-questions EVERYTHING, well maybe not everything
-wants to spend time with me. doing whatever. because the idea is spending time with me
-has dreams
-knows how to play and have fun
-wants to have fun
-cares about the legacy he is leaving behind, and also about the future too
-is actually interesting
-can appreciate a good fucking meal
-can look past the fact that im probably nuts, haha
-has flaws, and knows them, but still wears his best smile
-can teach me things. a lot of things
-believes they deserve someone great. really great.
-isnt afraid of a good fucking time
-can stand up to me
-thinks im funny
-will appreciate my quarks
ok folks, this is just too gushy now. stepping outside and then going to bed.
cheers, to finding true love.
now puke.
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