9:55 am ----JUST WOKE UP!
This is going to be a good day. I am so glad that i got some damn sleep. finally. my body is grateful, and my mind is rested.
break-ups are a very strange thing. It sure keeps my day interesting. I mean now when i wake up, i think about what i can do to fight for a good day. Im in a therapeutic/recovery mode. I am constantly reflecting on things, and trying so hard not to think about the boy.
i still feel like a mess though. and im cool with that for a while. im a very honest person, and im not here to put on a show. so, excuse me world, im going to be sad for a while.
i don't know why, but i feel like clarifying why im sad. so many great people have comforted me through this, which i am soo thankful for. however, sometimes their piece of encouragement includes 'don't worry, you will find the right one someday.' I agree, I WILL. but i am not sad because im afraid of being alone, or that i no longer have the security of being in a relationship. I am fucking sad because the one single person that i want to be with and share my heart with, doesnt want to have it. that hurts. its simple, and clear to me that i must go on, but it really hurts.
to the boy:
i thought about sending you a message last night. i just wanted to see how you're doing. i need to stop that. as selfish as you are being, i need to follow your lead. I need to worry about myself, not you. stop being in my mind, please. i really do hope you are doing ok, but your well-being is no longer my responsibility. you cancelled that subscription.
ok kids, i have to go get this day before it gets me,
blaire
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