blind-sided

sometimes the universe can be cruel, or maybe its just the people in it.  either way, here i am, pathetic, desperate and listening to sarah mclachlan.  WHAT THE FUCK?

I will just say it.  I am heart-broken, sad and hurting.  a few days ago i was very sure of something(rather someone) that no longer wants to call me theirs.  It came as a shock so big i fell completely apart.  It just kills me to know that people can cause me so much hurt.  It's not fair.  I am sad that he would choose to be without me.  I want to be with him, but this has been decided for me, and I must accept it.  I have no choice.  It hurts in my guts, and i can't even sleep to get away from it.

 I am left with the broken promise to 'treat me so good', and some cd's that i am keeping as a parting gift.  

So....in my deepest heart of hearts, i am crushed and bruised.  Strangely, i am also overwhelmingly spirited because of the amazing support i have in my life.  I had to make a retreat to home base yesterday, I just couldn't do it alone. I needed my family and friends.  They came to the rescue so heroically.  My papa and his shoulder were waiting for me as soon as i walked in.  My mom had all of the right things to say, and my friends made me laugh which took me to a happier place.  My heart is aching, my eyes are swollen, my body is exhausted, but my spirit will just not give up.  Thank you to my circle of love, for loving me back.  It means sooo much.  I feel like with them, i can make it through anything.  I love you all!    

To the universe, and the boy that doesn't love me back:

---this is a mistake, you are walking away from something so great.  I have SOOOOOOOO much fuckin love to give, you are foolish to deny it.  I trusted you with my heart, and you dropped it.  I hear your reasons, and I wish you the best.  I really do.

These last few days may be marked on the heartbreak calendar, but i won't let too many get away from me.  I will be ok.  I will be alright.

Sad for now, but alright.


goodnight~