ya know what? Im angry. my heart is really pissed off at the people that have hurt me. this is a feeling i usually don't entertain, because how productive is it to sit around and be pissed off? but, right now, im indulging a little. im not steaming out of my nose angry, but angry nonetheless.
im just sick of people taking my heart for granted. im sure im painting the fucking kettle black, because i am human too; but right now its my pitty party. i am not sure how to even explain why im angry. i just am. i am mad at the people that i have tried to love, but didn't want my love. 'the one' that let me go late last year.....i was surely over that. but a little yuckyness just surfaced.
i am a giant moron and creeped his facebook. nice to see he has completely moved on and found a 'wonderful girlfriend.'.......NOT! what the fuck dude? well, she's probably not as cool as i am at least. i dont want to be bothered by this. i don't want him to have any effect over me at all. i don't want to be bitter, but maybe its actually ok to let it out every once in a while. do i want him to be happy?
ok. i will. i am still angry tho. and i am sooo sick of spending my feelings on people that dont deserve them. it is also pretty clear to me to be a little angry at myself. i am know that i get a little zealous in the 'free love' dept. i just want to believe in people sooooooo much. is that a crime? but man, when people let me down, it really gets me down. disappointment from people i care about is a very hard thing for me to digest. it really hurts me. and i am positive that i am completely guilty of hurting people that love me too. its just the human condition i suppose. but i will not start expecting less from people. not if i believe they are capable of the challenge. i would rather be disappointed than to stop believing in the ones i love. i hope people don't stop believing for the most from me.
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