uh...

2:34 a.m.

you have no idea how hard it is to eat my tears.  i am trying with all of my strength to stop these fucking tears. and i am. they are ready to burst.  they just want to flow.  but i can't let them.  i have already given you too many.  what in the fucking hell is it going to take?

i guess that my heart was set on you more than i even know.  and, also, im finding it sooo impossibly hard to move onto another place.

these tears are on the brink.  i am talking them back into place.  yelling at them for even trying to surface and surrender to my sadness.

 i really don't know what to do.  i don't know how to cut this off without cutting a vital part of me off with it.

what did i do to you that made you want to quit?  why did you leave me empty handed and broken?

why can't these tears find a different place?

crying myself to sleep, and waking up crying.  this isn't me. where have i gone?  did this kill me a little?

you can say whatever horse shit you want, but you needed me, you wanted me, and you could have had me.  you are dark, and broken, and you walked away from me.  i could have loved you sooooooo much love.  maybe that is what you were afraid of.  i guess i will never know.  but as much as i am lost, and losing, so are you.  i have to at least believe that.  even if it's sick.

now im stuck writing my feelings to you here, because i promised you that i wouldn't write you.

drinking.....is a momentary get-a-way.  but not a good idea/solution.  but....any get-a-way is good, i guess.

broken people, going around and breaking other people.  its soo sick.