day 11

10:22 pm.  ive been thinking.

it is my heart, and my love.  and i can give it to whom i feel is worthy, and under whatever circumstances im agreeable with.  i want to give him my love.  i want to be his friend.  i want to fight for him.  i havn't talked to him, and it's killing me.  at this point, im not asking for love back.  its enough for me to give it.  my heart is crying because i love him, and i want him to know.  there is no calendar or stopwatch attached to my heart.  if i love you, then i love you. simple.  it doesn't take a certain amount of time for me.  it just happens.  and i love him, and i can't stop it.

im certain i sound crazy to the world.  that is perfectly ok with me, because im pretty sure i operate different than the world anyway.  and also i don't give a shit.

if he doesn't want my love; really, fully and truly, then i will walk away.  that is my declaration.  that will be my mark to go my own way (along with stevie nicks).  my heart will have to heal, and my soul will need liberty.  

but i have to try.  in spite of my hurting heart, all that matters to me is for him to know that i care about him soo much.  he really is worthy, and he should know it.  what he does with that is up to him.

all you have to do is take it.  take my love.  you don't even have to talk to me, if you don't want to.  but please take my love with you, wherever you go.  if you want my forgiveness, ask.  i am exposed and raw.  but you are worth it.  know that.  please.