An oldy

---I wrote this for my mom in December 2009 to go alongside some tree paintings I did for her living room.---

A Family Grows

A poem about family trees, or just families and trees!

Tree: a woody perennial plant with many branches stemming from one trunk.

“The tree trunk,

Solid, grounded, rooted,

Founded in the earth,

Patiently growing towards the sky.

Earth and Sky,

The tree now rooted in both,

Has branches to give life.

The branches,

Fast they grow,

Attempting to reach the sun,

They need the tree to hold them up.

Desperately needing support & growth.

The tree is always there,

Encouraging forever.

The tree lives in it’s branches,

The branches grow strong and tall.

The branches vary,

Moving in diverse directions.

The branches spread,

Far and vast,

Still connected eternally,

They will always be,

For all began life,

In the same Tree.”

snow day

hey kids! i have a snow day today, whoop---whoop!! I still have to work, but no school and sleeping in are two good things. I still got up at like 8 (because im ruined for lazy sleep-ins i guess). I made a yummy brekky, and a whole pot of coffee! A nice addition would be a cozy boy to help weather this free day with. someday they tell me.

-I just spent a weekend with two of my nephews. They crack me up. Oliver is 3, while assisting him for a 'potty break', he had a lot to say. His potty chair is against the wall in the bathroom, right across from the toilet. I took a seat on the loo, to wait for him to finish. With his pants around his ankles and his fingers tapping on his knees, he asks me "aunty, do you poop sometimes?" I died. He is full of humor in the form of irregular questions, and outrageous expressions. He keeps me entertained for sure.

-And then there is Lincoln, my sweet boy. He was full of cuddles for aunty, and seemed to be especially eager to read books, which is delightful. These boys are so special to me, i never thought being an aunty would be awesome....it's also a nice fix to any amount of baby-fever. An overnighter/mealtime with toddlers is good birth control, hah!

Ok, that's all i have for today. enjoy the new look of my blog.

Happy snow day everyone!!

just for fun

here is a light into the life of me. i thought it might be fun to list the top 25 most played songs in my itunes library. not necessarily my favorites, just played a lot.

1. Lulluby - Dixie Chicks

2. Just Breath - Pearl Jam

3. Two Coins - Dispatch

4. Out Loud - Dispatch

5. Something Beautiful - Needtobreath

6. Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show

7. Such Great Heights - Iron and Wine

8. Angel - Jack Johnson

9. Ship Wreck - Jars of Clay

10. Amongst the Waves - Pearl Jam

11. Lucky - Jason Mraz

12. The Way It Goes - Dispatch

13. Yesterday - The Beatles

14. Won't Turn Back - Needtobreath

15. Hello Hurricane - Switchfoot

16. Stones Under Rushing Water - Needtobreath

17. Railway - Dispatch

18. Whirlwind - Dispatch

19. You are So Beautiful - Joe Cocker

20. Dream a little dream of me - Mama Cass Elliot

21. Prisoner - Needtobreath

22. Girl Named Tennessee - Needtobreath

23. Garden - Needtobreath

24. Hard To Love - Old Crow Medicine Show

25. Angel Rays - Trevor Hall

Those are from like 3 diff albums and a couple playlists that i listen to a lot lately.

k, bye!

new years resolution

haha, these are lame, and my sarcasm will prevail.

for my 2011 resolution i am going on a diet. i will be restricting myself to caffeine and loneliness. Should be awake and single by this time next year, if diet is successful.

some ideas:

School of Architecture and Allied Arts, University of Oregon

United States Peace Corps

Hippie

Massage Therapy

--(this is an actual consideration, and completely unrelated to my current academia, which qualifies me as crazy)

professional barista

lady that reads children's books to kids at the library

thoughts or concerns.....just contact me

food for thought

food for thought...where the hell did that come from?...are my thoughts hungry? Well mine probably are, because I'm a chubby person, and I'm usually hungry. Haha.

Ok, my minds-a-goin....and i just need to blabber-jot.

So.....i have moments in this life, when i just want to throw my hands up in the air and surrender everything. Like, even my mind, haha. It's too much to handle. Since i guess i have to keep my mind, ill just blog through it.

Problem:

WHAT THE HECK DO I REALLY WANT TO DO IN THIS LIFE?

Problem #2:

WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING IN THIS LIFE?

Problem #3:

wtf.

So......I really like school, very much actually, and am considering further education in this area after completion of my current program. So....what's my problem?

I just want to help people! I want to do something that really matters. Like, REALLY matters! I know that by truly living with and for God, everything I practice will be good and meaningful. ..BUT........there is this weird achy feeling inside when i think about my future, and this country.

I just don't think that in this country, at this time, during OUR crisis overload, that it's completely acceptable to just 'DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!'

***follow your dreams kids, the recession can wait***

That may sound hopeless or dark, or just dumb, but it's how i feel now.

----I will just have to work through this. I feel good mostly about school. There really is a lot of 'MEANINGFUL' potential in my field of study. Maybe I can help build homes for people in real need, and help teach useful skills/trades, and hopefully all kinds of great things. Woof, too much to chew on for now.

excuse while i get lost in my latte and music. Goodnight!

icky...

So, there are things that happen in this little life i live, that i should share. To stay consistent with this 'truth project' thingy, i will expose another layer. I could easily withhold, but I just better. Maybe someday, somewhere, somehow, another person may even get something out of this. Or get a kick out of this, either way, here goes:

So....I have two ways of being about the 'relationships' subject. One way; a very confident, and secure individual, that is hopeful, but not necessarily in pursuit. The other way; strong, but not as confident, wishful more than hopeful, and slightly a little tiny bit incomplete and in constant desire.

I am currently in the latter of the above options. I try to be the first option very hard. I don't want to constantly be wanting something that is unknown. I do feel it is very much ok to desire a loving and healthy relationship. But, I strongly believe in being secure and comfortable with yourself outside of a relationship. I don't want to be in a relationship because I need/or have to be, but because i want to.

It's not a huge ordeal, and even as I write, I realize. I just hate admitting that I am freakin girly, and that I am not in control of these matters really. I feel it's unfair sometimes, when you fall for someone, when you know you shouldn't, or you think you don't want to.

Maybe I am not as secure as I thought, and that's mostly ok with me. As long as I am honest about it, I will embrace this.

I will just work on the ol' blaire bear, and do what's best for me. Someday i 'hope' a time will come. A moment will happen, and love will be. for now, ill remain a single blira facehead.

rock on

merry freakin' christmas

Hey kids. It's late december, and I am home on christmas break. I have survived another holiday with the exceptionally colorful Dingers(we are a sub-casual kind). this is a success. In response, it was a very good christmas for the family. Everyone able was there, and no fights. Good thing there was booze. --Haha, but not for me, i was still recovering from my turning-24-celebration. If you were there to help me celebrate, thank you. You will have to name yourself, because I don't remember much, haha.--I do love my family. Not a perfect clan, but very much to offer. #1, entertainment to outsiders. I've been told that our banter would make a great script. we shall however, remain for now unscripted and hilarious. Hilarious---rediculous......same, same. I think its my age, or position in life (even though i'm totally single) but i am always taking notes about my family. There are soo many things i really love about all of them. And some not soo much, haha. But, we are a very honest, very open crowd that isn't afraid of a good laugh. usually at someone's expense. We are communication strong, and laughter heavy. I want a fun and happy family of my own someday!

It's so nice to have a break from school for a few days. I am working tho, that part isn't delightful. Not because I hate that job, but I am just so drained, I wish i could just drink coffee and journal all day. Oh, and browse career options for after school.

I have decided (which if you know me is always open for adjustment) that after school, i want to spend some time somewhere exciting. I would love to live in the upper West coast. I daydream of a life by mountains and sea. I am going to begin looking for short-term courses/programs about design, or green building in the oregon/washington region. That is a vast region, so i better get busy. I would love to hear any suggestions too!

Ok, that is all for this post.

bfjklewosw

a random post:

I feel weird, like physically, haha. Allergy medicine has this effect on me, kinda feel drunk, so i guess its not too bad.

I don't have anything specific to write about; so Ill just blab my mind wander.

I really should be packing up my crap right now, but im a lazy biotch, so I am not yet.

School....hmmm....school is good. I really like my program. I love that I am learning all kinds of things everyday. It will be interesting to see where I go with this education. I think about it all of the time.

I had a missed call tonight from an ex. and last night i was uploading pictures from my cam. and there were pics of us on there. thats two nights in a row that this bastard is stealing my mind. Actually, I have been haunted by two ex's lately. That's not fair. you boys suck, and stay away, haha. I sure hope that I am done dating clowns. I know that only speaks to my taste in dudes, but for at least the mentioning, they sought me out. I guess i attract clowns. sweet. everyone's gotta be good at something.

ok......well...on a short side note....i think im going to back up and pitch a teepee in a peaceful socialist nation somewhere. just sayin.

now...on to a mention of a serious topic in the blaire mind/heart. or is it a heart/mind. Either way, I have been mulling over the state of the 'church' for a while now. I want to be careful in how i express myself, mostly because, I don't know exactly how I feel. I just feel really weird, and disconnected with the body of christ right now. At least in this country i do.

--- Fact: I LOVE JESUS WITH ALL THAT I AM! Fact: I WANT TO FOLLOW HIS VOICE IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE. Fact: I FEEL REALLY CRAPPY WITH THE CHURCH. Fact: I AM DOING NOTHING TO CHANGE IT.

---I just need to start figuring this stuff out. I do want to be a part of a healthy and active Jesus movement. and I want it to be soo REAL. In fact, i want it to be the realist thing i ever accomplish. I think a major part of my illness with the church is the hipocracy and the FAKE, FAKE, FAKE, FAKE, FAKE BULLSHIT! I am not perfect, and i need to remember that everyday. the church is not perfect, and i cannot expect that. I just feel so damn uncomfortable with it. Like, and actual illness, it makes me feel sick inside, the horrible misrepresentation of my savior. I feel like some churches should be called "its all about me/us" club instead. --I know i am completely guilty, and that's why its so wierd to work through. I am fake, i am selfish, really, im pretty awful. i am human. I can talk more about this some other time. I just wanted to at least make a start. I am not writing this to just shame the church. i earnestly want to figure out my qualms with this church, and even find my way back into a worshipping family. I just need to spend some time in prayer and thought. Jesus, please unveil some wisdom to me in this!

--I appreciate feedback, and I am very open to discussion. I have been churning for a while, and want to make progress, and be proactive.

----happy thanksgiving ya'll ....my three favorite blessings this year: (and they are all 3-years-old and younger)

1. Oliver Ryan

2. William Robert

3. Lincoln James

***Thanks for being awesome***

Before I Hit the Can...

I was chatting last night with a delightful friend and 'bucket lists' came up. I decided to be inspired and write my own. I have not actually done this before. I have done various sessions of goal-writting, but never plain old, 'before I die....i want to:'

So, here it goes, and for now in random order:

In My LifeTime, I would like to:

1. Somehow make an appearance on a home show(ex: DIY network, HGTV...)..or just star in my own freakin show!

2. Write a cookbook

3. Write a book about my life and adventures, in complete comedic form, hah!

4. Be in Love, the good stuff ya know!

5. Do more crazy shit!

6. get to a debt-free point

7. master the art of coffee-making

8. take part in a 'survival-and-be-wild-in-nature' thingy

9. Travel to all continents....and meet all kinds of people

10. Learn a second language (at this point, Id choose either Portuguese, or Latin)

11. Have a baby!

12. Build my own house

13. Swim in many seas

14. Visit the Holy land

15. Write/perform a song

16. Complete a half-triathlon

17. Attend a world-cup game in another country

18. Go on an Alaskan Cruise

19. Go to a vineyard and help make wine

20. Go on a road trip via motorcycle(and with a hot babe)

21. Read TONS more poetry

22. Write a children's book and/or series

23. Be hosted in a gallery to display my creative works

24. Have my own gallery to display other's creative works

25. Go white-water-rafting

26. Try exotic foods

27. Grow and maintain my own garden

28. Carve something into a tree

29. Show God's love, and have people feel it

30. Hike up a big, tall mountain, and scream something from the top

31. Help people

ok...that's a start. ill keep adding.