...

2:09 am.  i.don't.know.what.to.do.

i am not ok.

i can't kid myself.  any forward movement i have felt hasn't been very genuine.  i am just desperate for any consolation.  i have received consolation, but it just can't hold me up.  im falling.  i can't stop it.  this is dark.  im so sad.  im confused about so many things.  i feel alone.

to the boy:

WHAT DID I DO?  what the hell happened? i really thought that you were in this with me.  I AM NOT CRAZY for believing this.  why can't you tell me everything?

---where did this darkness come from, and why won't it leave me?  i am crying out for help, but who is hearing me?  really?

this hurts.  im lost.  nothing is working, really.

i.don't.know.what.to.do.